Welcome Right Wing, Fire and Brimstone Xtians to Black Rock City (BRC)

You've made it to our little SUMMER SOLSTICE LUCIFERIAN DEMON FESTIVAL and you're thinking, "Gosh, I'm a little scared, but Jesus will protect me." AND HE WILL. Though you walk through the valley of death, fear no evil, for he ART with you. Once again, thank you for writing some of the best articles about this SATAN WORSHIPPING WICKER MAN BURNING FESTIVAL that is BURNINGMAN. As usual, Burning Man offers the usual places you can go to PRAY FOR LOST SOULS and get GREAT TERRIFYING STORIES to take back to your flock.

This year's events include the usual PAGAN SATANIST BLASPHEMOUS HOMOSEXUAL DEVIANT DEVIL WORSHIPPING INSPIRED FUN as in years past. *BEWARE*, the homosexuals may be particularly aggressive this year since the Pershing County Sheriff took down their JIFFY LUBE sign last year so WATCH OUT! We all know JESUS WASN'T GAY! The theme this year is THE FLOATING WORLD, and every good Christian knows that that means prostitution or piracy, or demon possession or befoulment of holy water. Of course, there will be every Christian's favorite, lots of NAKEDNESS and general SEXUAL WEIRDNESS to get all bothered by, but don't stop there. This list will give you some of the COOL HAPPENINGS you can check out.

AZAZAEL will be HARVESTING THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED and working his magic at the SAPPHO ROOM on Friday. Be sure to pay him a pious visit. The great Arch Demon BEELZEBUB will be RAPING anything in his way and EATING HUMAN FLESH on Wednesday night at the BLASPHEMY BAR. Get there early as seating is limited. PAPA SATAN will be playing McSATAN'S and HELLCo on Thursday and LUCIFER'S MINIONS will be prowling the crowd, ready to possess the weak on THURSDAY. Keep an eye out for them and proclaim to God to drive the devils out ONLY IF YOU ARE ONE WITH THE SPIRIT. Remember those PIGGIES.

Scores of NAKED PEOPLE are sure to make your ding dong bothered so PRAY to GOD to take away those nasty feelings and keep your SEXUAL frustration bottled up tight. You can always diddle your children when you return home. Various ORGIES, BEFOULMENTS and BLASPHEMIES of your GOD can be found beginning late Wednesday night through Monday. Here's a TIP. Sometimes praying on the outskirts is best because you don't want to be rude and get POSSESSED BY DEVILS at anyone's camp.

If SEANCES, DEMON POSSESSION and CANNIBALISM are your thing, don't miss the PERSEPHONE PLAYERS in ONWARD SETH VATCHIT at the GAIA CLUB on Friday night. It'll be a night of PONERIA for sure. Sounds like a good time! Of course, every night you can enjoy SPIRITUAL WARFARE at every corner but if it's LARRY HARVEY, the CULT LEADER HIMSELF you'd like to see, hang out at CENTER CAMP cause he comes out during the day sometimes to COMMUNE WITH THE DEVIL. I hear the Kool Aid is mighty tasty!!!!

If SEX is the thing you're most afraid of, check out the TEMPLE OF APHRODITE for some real old time SEXUAL DEVIANCE and SADOMASOCHISTIC PASSION PLAYING. Just like you're EATING THE BODY after he was CRUCIFIED FOR YOU, you can even get flogged by Xrist himself in DEMON FORM. If you yearn for your clean, honest, non-cult leaders, be sure to check out the BUTTFUCK the MORAL MAJORITY CAMP where you can have simulated sex with such intelligent, sinless men as PAT ROBERTSON, JERRY FALWELL and JIMMY SWAGGERT. God Bless them all.

On SATURDAY, don't miss the PROCESSION OF BAAL which is a PAGAN PROCESSION where burners will cover themselves with the BLOOD OF DEVIL GOATS and WORSHIP SATAN. The MAIN EVENT which is the BURNING MAN, alternately a SPIRIT CAVE MAN EFFIGY, the WHORE OF BABYLON, and the FALL OF THE CHURCH TO LICENTIOUSNESS happens here in the good old USA and not the HEATHEN NATIONS of INDIA or the deserts of SINAI.

WHEW! With so much to do, don't forget after BURNING MAN where you can check out the ACTUAL WORDS OF CHRIST where he doesn't preach HATRED and FEAR but rather LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS YOU DO YOURSELF. Right Wing Xtians will probably find this the most depressing of all as Christ never said to hate HOMOSEXUALS or to TERRIFY YOUR CHILDREN with stories of SATAN and the like. He taught things like TOLERANCE and FORGIVENESS which is all but lost on some of the Xtian religions today.

For a real HORROR STORY, check out the PENTECOSTAL, FUNDAMENTALIST and BAPTIST CHURCHES if you want to see if SATAN IS ALIVE AND WELL in the USA today. Jesus would be real pissed if he saw what those churches did to KEEP ALIVE the ideas of HATRED, FEAR, INTOLERANCE, BIGOTRY, RACISM and BRAINWASHING OF CHILDREN. Boy, oh Boy, they're first at the GATES OF HELL if anyone is. Suffer not the HYPOCRITES.

Have a GOOD BURN. See you in CHURCH!


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