Researchers Develop Screening Technique for Yahoo Gene

"Basically we were looking for a procedure to detect and cure what makes people into aggressive, sexist conformist shitheads. With this procedure, we think we may have found at least a test that will lead us to a cure," said researcher Dr. David Traube of the Mt. Wickerman Research Institute

January 31, 2002 Researchers have developed a technique to detect the presence of what has here-to-fore been referred to as the "Yahoo Gene" that causes men, mostly in their early 20's to late 30's, to act like assholes when they are at large festivals where many in the crowd are practicing forms of self expression that are foreign to their small, mediocre suburban reality. The disease afflicts nearly two thirds of the US population and in most cases, remains untreated until the victim, in old age realizes that they have no real friends, all their relationships have been failed self centered attempts to control their significant other, that a life rich in material good does not a good life necessarily make, and that they were spectators and cattle throughout their petty lives and they will be soon forgotten.

Sufferers of the Yahoo Syndrome exhibit bizarre antisocial and sometimes violent tendencies towards the opposite sex. These tendencies are usually exacerbated when the victim is in a situation where free expression, creativity, community and nakedness are the norm, causing them to get frustrated and to imbibe in alcohol as a self medication. This only further heightens their risk as they are prone to shout "Show us your titties" or "Comon bitch, you know you want it," in social situations leading to social outcastism and further feelings of inadequacy.

The researchers report the first feasibility trials of the new test for detecting mutations in the Yahoo gene in the January 31, 2002, issue of the New England Journal of Medicine. They point out that for years the "Yahoo Syndrome" was believed to be environmental and due to exposure to too much television, conformist Republican/Christian propaganda and magazines like Hustler and Juggs. Also, crappy beer, Spring breaks in Florida and Mardi Gras were thought to be contributing factors. Having a rich daddy and being a spoiled shit also is said to have contributed to the development of the ailment.

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